Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
