This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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