At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
how do you play pong handcuffed?
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
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