so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
