Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
