That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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