i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
