how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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