even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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