What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
