Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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