My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
