He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
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