reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
