My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
