Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
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