I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
