Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
