I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
