i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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