she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Randomize
