well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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