one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
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