Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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