Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
