I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
