I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
