The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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