it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
