she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
