well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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