today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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