ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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