He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
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