he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Randomize
