They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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