I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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