I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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