I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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