then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize
