I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
