it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
