sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
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