I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
false alarm, still single
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