I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
