Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
