sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
