Quick, to the slutcave!
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
