Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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