he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
