Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
