Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
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