i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Randomize
