just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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