Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I want to have your abortion
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
the night ended with taco bell and tears
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Randomize
