your room smells of hookers.
And success
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
