Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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