LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
