The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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