im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
