She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
