Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Randomize
