The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
