Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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