oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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