I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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