sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
