Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
