First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
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