It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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