sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
