Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
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