i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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