dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
my poor anus
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
