is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Come share oat with me in your robe
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
