next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize