In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
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